apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
