Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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