Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
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I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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