I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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