im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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