One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
