I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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