this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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