new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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