I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
