Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
