so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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