i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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