You're completely useless in the revolution.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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