my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
