I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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