This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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