This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
