I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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