i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He kissed a someone with a penis
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
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I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
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I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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