if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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