thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
my shit smells like andre
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
