According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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