so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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