Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
