yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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