I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize