party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
