I'm lost and stupid without you.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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