So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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