Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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