I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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