she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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