Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
