dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
