just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
