I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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