If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
