I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
