he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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