So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
