take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
