were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
