opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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