No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
