ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I have demons in me.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize