Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
