Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
