I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
