i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i out mim tonsoeep
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