my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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