I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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