Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
