Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
